The 3 Kinds of People Who Matter in Life // Kids are Black Holes

There are only a few people in our lives who make any measurable difference.

It sounds harsh, but at the end of the day, it’s true.

Most friends. Certainly, most acquaintances. Even most family members will spend the majority of their life living simply in parallel to yours. Their timeline occasionally bounces into yours for a second, a month, or a year. But never truly alters the course.

Some lives leave a path before us to follow, or give a gentle but lasting push against one side of our own. Almost imperceptibly altering our course, for better or for worse, without our even knowing.

Remember your parents saying, “I like that new friend of yours, she’s nice.” or “I don’t like that kid. He’s a bad influence.”

I think that’s what they meant.

Sometimes you find a black hole.

Someone whose gravitational pull is so intense your life even touching theirs warps your reality so completely that your universe is altered, and suddenly as if in the blink of an eye, your entire plane of existence is changed. You still have momentum in the same direction, and your surroundings are familiar, but somehow the feeling has changed.

Kids are black holes.

But I’m not talking about the black holes today.

I’m talking about that second group.

The nudgers.

The ones who intercept your life in different ways and push it in one direction or another.

As far as I can tell, these people fall into three groups. I dub them Tribes, Trailblazers, and Lighthouses. They are all Guides.

Put simply, Tribes are your peer advisors. Your culture. Your social circle.

The people who are running alongside you and bumping your timeline around.

Spend enough time living in parallel to any of these and your path will slowly start to edge their way.

Some people are more susceptible to this kind of force than others. We all know that friend who seems to be a completely different person when they start dating someone new, or join the latest fad diet cult.

Understanding the influence your Tribe has on your life is, I believe, one of the great keys to living a successful, happy, and fulfilling life.

Surround yourself with happy, healthy, driven, curious, self-respecting, vulnerable, loving people and your life line simply won’t be allowed to stray from the path.

Trailblazers are the people who came before you.

They don’t run beside you, and they may never consciously influence your life. But you can see in the distance the path they carved, and it serves as guidance along the way.

Sometimes that means a path to follow.

Sometimes a path to avoid.

With the good old-fashioned interweb these days, curating and collecting the learnings of these Trailblazers is easier than ever, and, therefore, their conscious selection is incredibly important.

Collecting the books, teachers, leaders, content-creators and visionaries who inspire your life undeniably change its course. Often for the better.

This is why you can never stop learning. The more time you devote to learning, and understanding the ways of the Trailblazers before you, the brighter the path before you becomes.

Lighthouses are your guardrails. The ones watching for you in the night, making sure you don’t hit the rocks.

Often these are parents and loved ones. A mentor. A spouse. Even your children when they have more wisdom than boogers to share.

These people are the slowest to enter or leave our life, but can have the greatest spikes of influence.

They are the checks and balances against our values, and their work is often done in private. Behind the scenes. Unless you’re on that Intervention show.

These three types of people dramatically and undeniably change the path of our lives from a straight shot down the middle to the curving, twisting, adventure that makes life so satisfying. Understanding who they are, and how to curate, learn from, and appreciate them is key to knowing who you are, where you’re going, and how you’re going to get there.

z

PS

Sometimes you can find someone who is in multiple groups.

A mentor at work is often your Tribe and Trailblazer.

Your best friend may be your Tribe and Lighthouse.

My father, whose path I have followed through parts of life, has often been my Trailblazer and will always be my Lighthouse.

Soon I will join the EOS family, once again following in his footsteps.

Soon he will be my Trailblazer, Lighthouse, and Tribe.

I think that is pretty damn cool.

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